He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
