We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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