This girl is more easily done than said...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize