He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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