I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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