PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
