Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Green mimosas i think yes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
