I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
