so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
