Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
