So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
