went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you win again, gameday.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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