You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We are all done wearing pants today
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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