wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
