im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
