I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
