i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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