We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
