She is in my trunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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