You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
