In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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