So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to calm my uterus...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
