There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
