the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
