fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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