Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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