Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
