I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
