i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
