By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize