he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
