Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
