you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
