If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am spending my child support on dildos
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dignity is for republicans.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
