I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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