I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
