She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
love makes seman taste better
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
