This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she told me i tasted like america
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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