You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
