my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
