i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
