I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
