I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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