Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
