as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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