I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
