Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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