Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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