Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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