I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
