What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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