That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
