This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
