So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
