He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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