Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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