you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
