Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
