dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
