I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
