So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
