Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
