I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
