I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
