Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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